goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
