420 ftw
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
