I saw his package. It spoke to me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
