If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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