I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
