I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There's always time for handjobs
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
