hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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