Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
