i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
