i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
