not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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