at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
