she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
