Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize