Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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