Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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