Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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