had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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