He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
