Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
