you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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