Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
