Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
