Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
