New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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