Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
