haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
