Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
