Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
