My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
