It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
