Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Mom said you looked used
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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