I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
