I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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