He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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