i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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