So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
