Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
