I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
