PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
