and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Farmville is her only friend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
