How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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