My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
