Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize