He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
