So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
