I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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