You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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