if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
