saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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