When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
