hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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