you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
