Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
