The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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