i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
