I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
