Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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