Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
