OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Damn victory sex feels great
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
