im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
