I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
