Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
