Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
