So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
