Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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