I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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