apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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