I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
