Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize