I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
