This is not my ceiling
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
