And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
