Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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