My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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