in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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