small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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