i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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