a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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