please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize