I skipped work to stalk him.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
As shirtless as possible
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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