I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
sarcasm needs its own font
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
