why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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