eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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