If i come over, it means nothing
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
