i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
