Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
