Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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