watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am available for nakedness
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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