Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
