Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
