I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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