I didn't shave. On purpose
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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