My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
