Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
