wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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