i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was CRYING into my vagina
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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