just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
