Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
